the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
