Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
