I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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