a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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