But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
