i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
