That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
