after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
