i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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