i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
