He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
