Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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