Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
