The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
