Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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