420 ftw
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
