im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
