im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I love you.
Bad choice
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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