He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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