ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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