The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
