My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he had hair everywhere except his balls
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
