Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
