all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
