He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
