We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
