he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
