I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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