omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This baby is an asshole
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
