I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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