i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
