the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
