what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
People in love make me want to vomit
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
