I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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