Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
