I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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