someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
