I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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