love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
