When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
