I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
