I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
