My friends, they love my intelligence
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
