btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
