but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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