I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
