i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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