New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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