He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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