They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
