It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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