OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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