I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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