Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
