Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
