I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
